Alternative Notion
by Dalia907
Summary: Outtakes from my original facfic, "Notion". There will be spoilers, so please read the original story first! A/U, A/H, Non-cannon
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the first POV outtake from my fic, "Notion".**

****Spoiler alert!!** Do not read this until you have finished Chapter 8 of "Notion"!!**

**This takes place during Chapter 8, when Emmett comes back to the empty hotel room in NYC. Bella walks in and explains that she was with Edward in Central Park. I wanted to do this as my Emmett POV so that you could understand what Emmett has been thinking throughout the story to this point. With the main story only being in Bella's POV it's hard to realize why Emmett reacts the way he does. I'll be doing a Jasper POV as part of the outtakes at some point, too.**

The elevator ride through the hotel was taking forever. All I wanted to do was get cleaned up, grab Bella, and head to Madison Square Garden before the crowds started making it impossible to get back in. The horses were prepped and ready, I had already gone to the show office to pick up our draw numbers for the night, so everything was set to go.

I flipped my phone open. Two thirty p.m..

_Bella should have had plenty of time to rest. I hope she kept her leg elevated and iced. She probably didn't. That girl never listens, always does her own thing. She'll be the death of me, I swear it._

But that's what I loved about her, among countless other things.

_Yes. Love. I love Bella._

I repeated that phrase over and over in my head. Of course I loved Bella, how could I not? We were practically brother and sister, and family loves each other. Right. But the way I loved her was deepening; I had no control over it, and it scared me silly.

I had always thought of her as a sister and nothing more. Hell, we even went on double dates together. One time, as Bella was making breakfast on a Sunday morning, she caught a girl doing the walk of shame through our house. After the girl made a hasty exit, she caught me coming out of the bathroom and gave me a high five for "getting some hot action" as she put it.

And when she had a date, I was happy for her. She would come home in the wee hours of the morning from time to time, slightly intoxicated with that post coital glow. I'd laugh at her, say some lewd comment on her sex-capade adventures and high five her right back. Back then, I was just happy that she could be happy. That's all I ever wanted for her.

That is until the day before we left to come here. She had broken down on the front porch and I had to remind her of the promise I made when we were sixteen. That sort of thing had happened before, many times, but for some reason that time was different. She was talking to me as if I had missed opportunities to be with someone, to have a life with another woman. I could tell she felt guilty for keeping me to herself, but I didn't feel slighted at all.

I didn't have to dig too deep in my brain to remember what I said to her.

_Bella, honey, don't cry. You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm here with you because I want to be. And I love you, sweetie, you know that. My life isn't missing anything. You and I are not alone, we're here and we're together. That's all we'll ever need, okay…_

I knew as those words left my mouth that day that the meaning behind them had changed. One moment was all it took for me to realize that my life really wasn't missing anything, that there was no where else I wanted to be than right there on that front porch with her. But it had to be her, not someone else. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else on that porch, in my house or in my bed. It was her. It was always going to be her that I wanted. I loved her before, but now I _loved her_, loved her.

When she crawled into my bed that night, I had no sexual intentions, but I didn't want her to be so far away from me either. Without thinking I pulled her close to me, pushed her soft hair out of the way and kissed the back of her neck. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but it just felt right to hold her close to me. Sure, I'd held her close to me before, but not like this. I don't know if she felt the difference or not - she never said anything - but she didn't stop me either. So I let myself hope.

Then there was the West Virginia disaster that had almost been my salvation. Sure, I was tired and delirious, but I knew what I was doing when I leaned in to kiss her. She was so beautiful laying there in my arms. I wanted her to stay there forever. If that damn he-she-whatever hadn't interrupted, I don't know if we would even be in this Godforsaken city. I would have kissed her, confessed my feelings and begged her to just go home with me and live happily ever after.

But I guess fate had other ideas.

It hurt to see her with Jasper at the club our first night in the city. That shit was my fault - I had pushed those two together. I never gave Bella a reason to stay with me. I couldn't be mad at Jazz, though, since he was the only other person on the planet that I would deem worthy enough for her. But he screwed up, too, and opened the door for any old shmuck to waltz right in.

And even though I knew Bella was accident prone, I couldn't help the feeling of complete helplessness I experienced seeing her in that ambulance. She wasn't hurt that badly, but I knew the hospital was going to evoke some bad memories for her, and those memories were my fault. I should have been there for her the night her parents died. I should have been right by her bedside, holding her hand.

But I wasn't. I was being a dumb, self-absorbed high school jock, hanging out at some underage keg party and making out with a girl whose name I don't even remember. Jasper, who had flown in to help with calf branding and was staying at my parents house, had to drive around town looking for my sorry ass. By the time he got me sobered up and to the hospital were they had taken Bella, it was already morning. She had been there all alone overnight and no one had even told her about her parents death.

When she was sitting in the ambulance with that Edward guy, she told me to stay at the rodeo. She didn't want me to come with her. She didn't need me. It had crushed me to hear her say that, but I knew she had a good reason. I wasn't there to keep her safe in the hospital before, and I didn't get a second chance.

So I tried to tuck the feelings I developed for her away. I tried to just take care of her as I've always done - be the big brother. But it was killing me.

The loud chime and the opening of the elevator doors brought me out of my hazy thoughts. I found my room number and quickly entered, just wanting to get this run over with and get out of this city. It seemed like the farther we got away from home, the farther Bella slipped through my fingers.

"Bells? Come on, let's get the show on the road! Bella?"

Silence. She wasn't there.

I flipped my phone open and started dialing her number, but hesitated. For some reason I ended up calling Rosalie instead.

_Ring…ring…_

"Yes Emmett?" I inwardly chuckled. Caller I.D. is a bitch.

"Rosie, have you seen Bella? She's not in the room."

There was a pause at the other end.

"Rose, what's going on? Where is Bella?" My voice became more forceful.

"Emmett, don't get mad. Alice and I took her to Central Park. That Edward guy from the ambulance invited her there. Then we got bored and wanted to shop, but Bella didn't. So we let her there with Edward."

"_You WHAT!?!"_ I was absolutely livid. "How could you fucking leave her in this city all alone with some strange guy? Don't you watch _Law and Order_? Fuck Rose! There's going to be SVU detectives banging on my door any minute!"

"Oh calm down douche bag! First of all, you watch entirely too many crime dramas. Second, Edward's a good guy and Bella's a tough girl. She has her cell with her and she promised to be back by three. And third, I think you're just jealous."

"Are you _insane_? I'm only worried about Bella's safety."

_She's crazy. I'm not jealous. Am I?_

"Yeah right. You're worried that gorgeous fireman Eddie is going to whisk Bella off her feet and get her the hell out of Texas."

"Oh you're so full of it, Rose."

"Am I? I don't think so, she said in her self-righteous tone. "You know she has every right to go out on the town with that guy. And do you know why? Because neither you nor my brother have had the balls to speak up and tell her how you feel. You're both so fucking cryptic with her that she couldn't take it anymore. She can't simply wait around for you two dipshits to make a an effort so she could at least feel some kind of love or emotion let alone get off with some great sex."

I cringed at her words. I didn't want to accept them even though, like most times, I knew she was right.

"Whatever, Rose. I'll deal with you later," and I snapped the phone shut.

I paced around the room for a while, fuming at what Rose had the audacity to say to me. After a few minutes, and still no Bella, I forced myself to shower and change. Then I perched on the edge of the lone chair in the room and waited.

At three-o-two, she slid into the room.

"Where were you?"

She jumped at least a foot in the air at the sound my voice. Clearly she wasn't expecting me to be back yet.

Even in her shocked state she took my breath away with her beauty. My eyes were drawn to my favorite thing about her - her long, chocolate hair. Her soft, dark waves cascaded down her back and I always envisioned running my hands through them.

As I sat there, I silently wondered if she would tell me the truth about where she'd been, or if she'd lie to me. I never once didn't trust her to tell me the truth…until now.

I was feeling so many emotions all at once. Love, anger, frustration, guilt, doubt, relief, lust, sadness, and yes…jealousy.

"Holy shit, Em! You scared the crap out of me!" She yelled.

Great. She's stalling. Not good.

"That's not answering my question."

She took a deep breath and looked down at the floor.

"Rosalie, Alice and I decided to go to Central Park. Yesterday Edward invited me there to watch the little league team he coaches, so I took Rose and Alice with me. They decided that they wanted to go shopping and I didn't, so Edward and I had lunch and hung out in the park, then we shared a cab - it dropped me off here first and I'm assuming it's taking him home now. And since you're obviously going to be upset with me anyway, I'll just tell you now that I accepted his dinner invitation for tonight after the rodeo."

_Fuck! _

It suddenly became hard to breathe. I slouched over and buried my head in my hands - the weight of everything crashing around me was so heavy that I simply couldn't hold it up any longer. I had already known she was with him, but I didn't know she was going to be with him again tonight. I found it ironic that the green-eyed monster of my jealousy was actually Edward.

"Say something, Emmett."

I sighed, but didn't look up. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted her to feel the fear that was in me when I found out she was alone with him. I wanted to blame somebody.

"You shouldn't have been alone with a guy that you barely know in this city," I spat.

"I'm fine, Emmett. Just don't blame the girls for leaving me. I didn't want to go shopping with them and I'm sure they didn't want my limping to slow them down. Edward offered to bring me back here, so I stayed." Her voice was even and I knew she was trying to keep me calm.

Taking all the strength I had, I finally looked up at her. I tried to hide my shame and sadness, but I knew she'd be able to see right through me.

"And you're going out on a date with him tonight?"

"Yes," she said softly. "I didn't think we had any other plans. Did we?"

And there it was. Rose was right. It was my fault. I didn't speak up, I held it all in and didn't give her a reason to stay here with me. It was too late now. If I asked her not to go she would always wonder "what if" and I couldn't have that hanging over me. I loved her enough to let her go and find her own way.

"No," I replied. "No, there were no plans. Only assumptions. And I can see now that I was the ass for making them."

Suddenly she was kneeling in front of me and hugging me close. This wasn't right. She shouldn't be the one to comfort me. It was me that should have been comforting her all this time. But we were both stubborn asses and couldn't admit anything.

"You're not an ass, Emmett. I should have called and told you where I was going. And I can cancel my plans tonight, it's really not a big deal."

"No, you were right before. I didn't say anything. It's my fault. You deserve to go and have a good time and I shouldn't be stopping you from doing that. We're both adults. I just want you to be careful, okay? I couldn't stand it if I let you get hurt."

She hugged me tighter, and this time I hugged her back fiercely, trying with my actions to convey what I couldn't with words.

"I won't get hurt," she promised, "and even if I did it wouldn't be your fault. We both deserve to have a good time. Why don't you call Rose and Alice and take them out, I'm sure they'd love to go."

I internally cringed. I didn't want any other woman. I wanted her. But more than that, I wanted her to be happy. So I would suck it up and be the man and friend that she needed me to be right now.

"Yeah, I'll do that. I need to meet the little sister, anyway," I said as I released her. Then I looked her in the eye to drive my sentiment home. "I worry about you. All the time. Over twenty years together makes me a bit overprotective I guess," I shrugged.

"It's okay, I worry about you all the time, too. But it'll always be you and me no matter what, remember?" She held up the hand with my copper ring and I nearly lost it right there. "No matter who comes in and out of our lives or what happens to us, it's still you and me," she promised.

I grasped her hand and chastely kissed her ring, then pulled her into another bear hug. I couldn't let her see my face, or else it would betray everything that I promised to be for her. Even though my heart was in excruciating pain, I reaffirmed only my original vow to her.

"You and me, little girl…"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's a peek into Jasper's brain. This takes place during the last scene in Chapter 10 of Notion.**

**There's also a little sliver of Emmett's thoughts at the end. **

**Hope this sheds some light on what our boys are thinking. Thanks again for reading…please review and let me know what you think!**

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**Jasper POV**

I am a patient man; I've had to be. Loving someone from a distance makes you that way.

All that distance, that waiting, that longing, that patience…I do have to say it probably made me a better man. At the very least it's made me appreciate the object of my affection even more.

The first time I ever saw my sweetheart, Bella, I knew I was done for. But back then it was physical attraction that drew me to her. In our high school rodeo days, she was beautiful and fearless. She always had that long, chocolate brown hair that I nearly couldn't resist running my hands through. And when I found the courage to get up close to her and introduce myself, even the scrawny bowlegged kid that I was then got lost in those deep brown eyes of hers.

It was when I started really spending time with her - meeting up for road trips, finding excuses to head to the McCarty ranch - that I truly fell in love with Bella. Everything about her just drew me in. She was funny, caring, sexy, unique and strong. She could break out a young horse one day and look simply stunning in a little black dress in a five star restaurant the next. Each day I spent next to her, I became more smitten.

_Fuck, now I'm thinking about that sexy fucking black dress. And her dancing in that club. And every single time I ever touched her bare skin._

I shook my head and snapped back to reality. Thinking about those things only made my not so little soldier stand at attention. I was in the shower at some cheap motel we found somewhere in Nebraska - a room I was sharing with the object of my affection, Emmett and my sister - so relieving my soldier from duty would not be a very wise decision right now. I closed my eyes and willed him to stand down.

I finished cleaning up, slipped on some cooler clothes since it felt like an oven inside and out, then headed out to the rest of the crew. Rosalie had apparently announced the sleeping arrangements, leaving me internally dancing a fucking jig.

_Who's a lucky bastard? That would be me…sleeping in the same bed as Bella. So now how am I going to play this?_

As I was about to ponder that when I noticed Emmett sort of sulking. It confused me for a minute, but then I realized what he must be going through. He and Bella were inseparable, and I had thought that it was just because he wanted to protect her and be there for her as her best friend. But now I was starting to realizing that he was seeing her in a much different light. My light.

_Shit. How could I have missed that? Emmett has more than just friendly feelings for her. Now I feel like a complete asshole - one, for not noticing before, and two, because I've been pouring myself all over Bella right in front of him._

Knots formed and tightened in my stomach as I though about what my actions were doing to Emmett. He was truly a great guy, and I didn't want to lose his friendship, but I didn't want to lose a chance with Bella, either. I needed to get him alone so we could talk some things out.

As if the Gods were answering my thoughts, Bella suddenly shot up from the bed and announced she was taking a walk. She looked agitated for some reason, and I couldn't fathom what would be bothering her.

She walked out the door and I was suddenly torn. I wanted so badly to follow her, comfort her if she needed it. I hated seeing her in a bad mood for any reason and desperately wanted to make it go away. However, before I could go to her, I needed to talk with Emmett, and the opportunity for that just landed in my lap.

When I looked over to him, he was staring at the door. His leg was twitching, like he wanted to follow her, yet he sat still on the very edge of the bed. His gaze switched back and forth then between the door and me.

Rosalie must have sensed the tension because, uncharacteristically for her, she quickly and silently made her way into the bathroom to shower at that exact moment.

_Thank you, sis._

"Emmett, I need to talk to you, man," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He looked at me from across the room, his foot now bouncing in place nervously. He nodded. "Okay," was his only reply.

I ran both hands through my hair before continuing. "Listen, I don't want to step on your toes or anything, but you have to know that I have feelings for Bella that go beyond friendship, and I can see that you do, too. So-"

Emmett raised his hand and cut me off. "Jasper, that girl out there is everything to me. She's been my life for my entire existence."

"Believe me, I know that," I confirmed. "Which is why I want to tell you that I'll back off if that's what you want."

Emmett was quiet for a few minutes and stared at the floor, contemplating. When he finally looked back up at me, I could see that pain and the resolve plain as day all over his face.

"You're the only one I would trust with her, Jazz…the only other person that I could imagine making her happy. And that's what I want more than anything - her happiness. Nothing else matters to me. If she can find that with you, then I won't get in the way."

He said the words, but I could practically hear his heart breaking.

"Emmett, I don't want this to effect our friendship and I can see how much this is hurting you, man. Look, maybe I can just-"

But he cut me off again.

"No, Jasper. You need to go to her now. I don't know what she's going through out there, but you're the one that needs to be there for her. I took care of her for over twenty years, it's time I let someone else have a go at it," he said.

I turned toward the door and placed my hand on the knob, but then stopped. I had to ask.

"Have you ever told her how you feel?" I asked.

Emmett sighed. "No. It's better that way. I can just always be the best friend, and that can be enough." He paused, and I nearly backed out to push him out the door instead, but the resolve that was on his face and in his tone as he looked at me and spoke again made me believe him. "You will make her happy, Jasper. Go out there and show it to her."

His face was determined and decided. I saw sadness, but no traces of remorse in his eyes. So I simply nodded, then turned the door knob and went out into the night.

It didn't take me long to find Bella. She was sitting on a bench outside the motel office, her face dimly lit by the blue glow of the Pepsi machine next to her. There was some rumbling in the distance, and I knew a thunderstorm was rolling in. Not wanting either of us to get caught out in the oncoming weather, I walked over to her quickly.

Apparently she hadn't heard me approaching. Her eyes were closed and her head was flung back, resting on the white cinder block wall behind her. She had a peaceful expression on her face, but her body was tense and still fidgeting subconsciously. There was a tiny bead of sweat slowly trickling down her temple and I couldn't resist reaching out and softly swiping it from her face.

Her eyes fluttered open and I could see that something was bothering her.

"Is something wrong, sweetheart?" I asked as I drew my hand back to my side.

"No, I just don't think I can sleep in this heat," she replied, though I didn't think that was her real reason for being out here.

I nodded toward the oncoming storm. "Looks like we'll get some relief soon. That storm looks like it's going to pack some heavy rain with it by the sight of those clouds."

"I hope so. I love the rain. Though I'm not much for the lightning and thunder that accompanies it."

_How odd. A Texas girl that likes the rain. This girl never ceases to amaze me with all her little quirks._

"How can you love the rain and hail from Texas?" I just had to know where this little idiosyncrasy came from, and it was just like every other time she surprised me - I simply needed to unravel all of her mysteries.

She smiled. "I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I love Texas and everything, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a place where you could smell wet ferns all the time, you know? Like that fresh smell that the rain brings when it washes everything clean. Maybe Seattle, or somewhere nearby."

I sat down next to her and leaned back on the bench just like she was. "I guess I could see that. Though I always thought you'd stay in Midland forever."

_Nice dip shit. Here you are trying to woo her and you're going to make her think of Emmett. Smooth._

But she never hesitated, just letting the first thing that came to her mind flow out of her mouth. I loved when she did that. "I never really thought about leaving Midland. Never had a reason to," she murmured.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I could see that her brain caught up with them. Before she could recant, a loud boom of thunder shook the sky, causing her to jump in her seat.

_There's your chance…take it now…_

So I went for it. I snaked my arm around her waist and drew her in close to me. She didn't resist and quickly molded to my side. I couldn't resist her sexy hair that was falling into her eyes. I lost my internal battle and reached up to tuck it behind her ear. Her hair was so soft between my fingers and I envisioned running my hands through it for hours.

"Bella…" her name escaped my lips.

She only nodded for me to go on. I almost lost my train of thought when the hand around her waist found a spot of exposed skin at her hip. She was so soft. I gathered myself and pressed on.

"Bella I have to tell you something. While we're here…alone."

I paused for only a moment to kiss the top of her head and pull her in closer, trying to punctuate what I was going to say.

"I've had the chance to travel around a lot. I've seen so much, met a lot of different people, done amazing things. I've dared to dream and dream big, and I've always gone for my dreams head first. But, I never dreamed that I'd have somebody like you in my life."

The rain started to come down then, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Bella didn't say anything, and it was killing me to not know what was going on inside her head. So I put my hand on her face and lifting it so that I could see her eyes.

"You're so beautiful. I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I couldn't find the words or the right time, but…Bella…"

"Jasper…"

The sound of her whispering my name sent me over the edge. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to. I needed to physically show her what I couldn't put into words.

I bent down to her and pressed my lips to hers as softly as I could. This was the moment I had waited so long for, and it was better than I had ever imagined. Her lips were soft and warm, so inviting, so…kissable.

I needed to taste her. I let my tongue brush against her bottom lip, pleading with her for entrance. She complied, and as I felt her tongue touch mine, I could have died a happy man. It was incredible.

Just then a crash of thunder and a bolt of lightning jolted her away from me. Her eyes suddenly looked terrified, and before I could think of what to do, she jumped up and started walking away from me, into the now pouring rain.

_Wait, what the hell just happened? Where is she going? _

_Go after her…now you idiot…stop her…_

I ran after her, catching her by the arm and turning her to face me. "Bella, what's wrong? What did I do?" She was freaking me out.

She didn't look at me when she spoke, and even through the rain I could tell that she was crying. "I don't know, Jasper…I don't know if I can do this. What about…what about Emmett? He promised me and I promised him…" she trailed off, but held up her pinkie with the copper ring.

"Sweetheart, listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong. I talked to Emmett before I came to find you out here. His exact words to me were 'you're the only one I would trust with her, Jazz' and he told me to take care of you, and I will, Bella, I promise I will. I'll never stop taking care of you," I blurted, trying to convince her not to run away again.

She was trembling and still refused to look at me. I didn't know what to do. I was desperate; I couldn't lose her. I gripped her arms and bent down to try to look in her eyes.

_Tell her…you have to tell her now!_

"Damn-it, Bella…I'm in love with you, can't you see that?"

That made her look at me. I didn't know if it was better or worse now because I still had to idea what she was thinking.

But then my whole world got turned upside down. A crash of thunder sounded in the air at the same time that she launched herself at me, her lips and every part of her body thrusted against mine. I clutched at anything I could to pull her closer to me. I felt her hands through my soaking wet hair and it felt like heaven to have her touching me like that.

I kissed her hard and deep, wanting to drown inside the urgent need of the moment. This was so right, and I was nearly lost in that moment, ready to stay out there in the rain kissing her forever. That is, until I felt her shiver.

I instinctively pulled away to rest my forehead on hers, clenching my eyes shut. I wanted so badly to kiss her again, but the voice in my head was strangely familiar, reminding me to take care of her.

_Fucking Emmett invading my conscience. _

"You're shivering, let's get you inside," I said with reluctance. "We need to get out of the rain." I grabbed her hand and started to pull her back toward the room. "Come on."

We were running back to the door when my thoughts stopped me cold.

_God, I didn't even give her a chance to answer me. I don't even know what she wants. Does she want me? She wouldn't have kissed me if she didn't, right? What about Edward? I know she spent the night with him. And I didn't ask her about Emmett…maybe she feels the same way as he does. Fuck…I need to know…_

I felt Bella nearly run into my back. I pulled her around to face me. "Please…please tell me what you're thinking. I have to know before we go through that door." I sounded really desperate…but I guess I was.

"Jazz, I…I don't know what to say. I want you…I want to be with you. But I need to take this slowly. I don't want anyone to get hurt…"

My heart skipped a beat.

"You mean Edward?"

She shook her head and looked down to the ground.

And then my heart started to break.

"Oh. Emmett."

This time she nodded. "Look, I know what he said to you, but I just need to talk with him on my own first, okay? He's been through so much with me, everything really, and I just…I just…" she stuttered and she was fighting back tears again.

_Fuck!_

_Okay, get a grip Whitlock. She just needs some time to sort things out. Be there for her, do what it takes to make her happy._

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll keep my affections to myself until you've had a chance to talk with him. But really, I wouldn't have even kissed you tonight if he hadn't given me the green light before I even came out here to find you. Trust me, he's going to be okay."

Her only answer was, "Okay."

I nodded once, accepting that she would come around in her own time, then brushed the hair that was stuck to her face out of her eyes before opening the door. Rose and Emmett were fast asleep, thank God, so we quickly changed and crawled into bed.

There was this space between us, though, and I simply couldn't take it. I needed to touch her.

My hand was like a magnet, immediately drawn to the exposed skin on the small of her back. She felt fucking amazing, and all at once I needed to explore more of her soft skin, even if it could only be in a chaste manner.

I repositioned myself as well as her so that I was on my side and she was on her back. She turned her head to face me, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of the stunning features of her face as I lightly trailed my fingertips along her back. She seemed to melt into the bed and I loved that I could make her feel that way.

Her eyes closed and her breathing became deeper. She had fallen asleep. I continued to trail my fingers across her flesh for a few more minutes, wanting to savor the feeling of her skin, before I stilled my hand, kissed her cheek, then laid my head on my pillow. I watched her slowly breathe in and out, lost in peaceful slumber.

_I love this woman. With everything I am I love her. Please, God, just let me be enough…_

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**Emmett POV**

_Oh God, what the fuck did I just do…_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is an outtake that would have been in the shower scene with Jasper and Bella in Chapter 12. I decided to cut it from the original story because I didn't want to turn Bella into some kind of whore or sex maniac that goes around sleeping with all of her guy friends. But I know that there are some die hard Jasper lovers out there, or even some people who just love to see Bella saddle up and get some action, so I decided to publish this little ditty here instead. Again, this scene doesn't really take place in the original story of "Notion", but that doesn't mean we all can't enjoy a little smut, right? **

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I cut him off. "Shut up, Jasper. Just…shut up. I want you," I confessed. "I want to feel you, all of you," I barely whispered as I began to unbutton his shirt, then ran my hands up his chest, over his shoulders and finally down his arms to push the white fabric from his body.

**(Song suggestion: Stare by Marjorie Fair)**

He watched his shirt fall to the floor, then something inside him finally broke free. Instead of being cautious and careful, Jasper let himself go and seized the opportunity in front of him. He began moving with a frenzied pace, grabbing my shirt and tugging it over my head in one smooth motion. And all at once we were pulling and grabbing at each other's clothes until they were all thrown about the room.

I felt his strong hands roaming my body as he guided me backwards and into the warm spray of water from the shower. My fingers were tangling in his twisted and now soaking wet hair. His lips trailed from mine, down my jaw and neck as his hands came up to cup my breasts. My head fell back when he enveloped my nipple with his mouth, lavishing the sensitive area with his tongue. Then he slowed and moved away a bit, leisurely lapping at the water that was flowing freely down my exposed chest.

He made his way back up my body with his mouth, once again landing on my lips and kissing hard and deep. He pressed his whole body tightly to mine and I could feel exactly how excited he was.

As we continued to kiss, I felt one of his hands trail it's way down my stomach, my thigh, and at last, to my overheated core. He slowly slid his fingers up and down and I could feel him gliding easily from my wet arousal. We both moaned together as two of his fingers found their way inside me. He held them there for a few seconds before withdrawing and moving all the way up to my clit. He repeated that entire sequence a dozen times, working me into a near frenzy.

"Fuck…Jasper, I want you inside me," I moaned as I reached down to grab his hardened length with my tiny fist. I stroked him up and down, moving easily in the warm water, until I felt him twitch in my hand.

"Mmrrah," he grunted low in my ear. "Turn around for me, sweetheart," he drawled with a sexy undertone that left me stumbling to comply.

Jasper's hands guided me back to him again, so that my back was now pressed hard to his front. I craned my head and neck so that I could continue to kiss him, and our tongues lapped at one another in the most lazy and fluid of movements.

His left hand moved up to massage my breasts, while the other trailed down my thigh. He picked up my leg, propping my foot up on the empty soap holder that was built into the wall. Then he bent me forward slightly, his body almost hovering over mine.

I felt him at my entrance, his hand slowly working his tip up and down my folds. And then he began slowly entering me, one inch at a time. The feel of him was exquisite - every ridge, every detail of his large endowment forever etching into my brain.

Once he was all the way inside me, I heard him gasp louder through his heavy breathing.

"Fuck, Bella…you feel so good…ugh…better than I ever imagined…"

I melted at his words just as he began to steadily move in and out of me. Our breathing accelerated and soon I was moving back to meet his increased thrusts. One of his hands moved down in front of me to find my most sensitive spot and began circling it lethargically.

"Oh, God…Jasper…don't stop…" I gasped and his efforts were immediately doubled.

We moved together in synchronization, both completely lost in our impending release. I felt my legs begin to shake and I had to grip the wall in front of me even harder to keep from falling. Jasper sensed my need and held me up with his arm, still squeezing at my chest. His mouth was on my neck, and I could feel him licking and sucking me there.

"Bella…I've waited so long…let go, baby…"

And with those words as a cue, I felt my walls begin to contract hard around him. His fingers were working on me furiously, and just as I came down from my first wave of pleasure, another one hit me head on. This time I nearly did fall, and the change in angle and my thrusts were enough to send him over the edge with me, making him cry out my name.

Then we were both too weak to stand and we slid downwards into a heap of panting flesh on the shower floor. Jasper's back was against the wall, and I leaned against him with my back on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat fluttering against my back. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, and the warm water sprayed against our legs.

That encounter with Jasper was so raw and real. I had never simply needed someone physically the way that I had needed him at that moment. And he had delivered beyond my wildest dreams.

And that was only our first encounter…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is the outtake you've all been asking for - Jasper's POV from the fight, and Emmett's POV from the infamous "I need you" phone call. Hope this sheds some light on what these two had in their brains during those scenes.**

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**Emmett POV**

How is it that in two short days, your life can be turned completely upside-down. Ass over tin cups. Backwards. Shit.

That's exactly what happened.

I was standing in the parking lot of the hospital, staring at the tiny phone in my bandaged palm. I shouldn't have been so afraid of that little piece of plastic, but at that moment it terrified me. It wasn't the inanimate object itself so much as the implications that went with using it, because once I flipped it open I was sure that the number I dialed would no longer be in my control. It would be an unconscious decision, and one that I wasn't sure I was ready to make.

Oh, I wanted to make it. If I was being honest with myself, I needed to make it. But I didn't know if I was _ready._

If I did dial the number, there would be questions that I didn't know if I could deal with. There would be guilt for the selfish request I would surely make.

_There would also be relief._

My thoughts were betraying my carefully laid out plan of avoidance. But they were right - I would be relieved if I were to hear her speak, even more so if I could hold her in my arms.

_Stop it, dipshit. She might not even come home. Don't get your hopes up._

_No, she'll come home if you ask her. You know she will. That's why you feel so much guilt._

_Fuck!_

I was fucking arguing with myself. My clear lack of mental stability was the last straw. With trembling fingers I opened the phone and dialed the number.

One ring…two rings…three rings…

"Hello? Emmett? Why haven't you answered any of my calls?"

My heart twitched at the sound of her voice. It had been so heavy, barely even beating before, but just hearing her made it jump back to life.

"Bella," I croaked out, my voice thick with sadness, longing and shame - shame for what I had no right to ask. But I did it anyway. "Bella, I need you to come home…" I trailed off when I heard her stop breathing.

"Emmett, what's wrong?" I could hear the panic in her voice, and it pained me even more.

"I just…I don't want to do this to you, but I can't help it. I can't do this alone. Please, Bella…please come home…"

Fuck, I was so needy and helpless at that moment, and I could feel the sting of my tears running down my face. I wanted to be strong, but the truth was that I was so weak without her. I could barely function before my Father was nearly burned alive because of me, and now I was simply shutting down.

I needed her. I wanted her. I fucking loved her for Christ's sake.

"Emmett, please…" she said with a shaking voice.

I was on the verge of explaining, telling her everything that had happened with the fire, my Father, my horse…but my own shaking hands betrayed me, and I watched my tiny phone slip through my fingers and shatter on the pavement at my feet.

"Fuck! No, no, no no…"

But it was too late. The phone was destroyed, and so were my chances of being whole, of having my little girl here to comfort me when I was so weak.

My knees gave out on me and I slumped to the sidewalk, holding my head in my hands and crying there in the dark. I didn't care if anyone saw me or thought I was completely off my rocker, because right then I was. I was truly lost and overwhelmed, and only one thought managed to make a continuous circuit through my head, my own silent prayer…

_Nothing else matters. Please come home to me…_

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**Jasper POV**

This was definitely not what I had planned.

That fucking phone of hers just had to ring. Ring. That's exactly what was burning a hole right through my pocket. An engagement ring for my beautiful Bella.

I had set this evening up to be utter perfection. I knew that this was her dream, that I could give it to her, that I could make her happy. I knew it right down to my bones. All she had to do was give me a chance.

Maybe I was jumping the gun. Okay, I knew I was. But when you know, you know, right? I mean, we just made perfect sense. I was so in tune with her that I could practically predict every move she made and every want she could ever have, and I had the means to provide her with it.

We hadn't slept together - well, we hadn't had sex yet - but that was okay. I wanted sex with Bella to be special, pure in some form. I didn't want it tainted by a cheap motel room or unanswered questions. I wanted to have sex with her the first time knowing that she had promised not to be with anybody that way ever again. I wanted her to be mine.

But that plan was shot to hell with one fucking phone call from the one man that could keep us apart. It was Emmett, and by the way Bella was shaking and frantically calling into the phone, then cursing as she dialed several different numbers, something was wrong. I wanted to be concerned, I wanted to help out my friend and the man that willingly gave her up for me to love. But all my concern flew right out the window and was replaced with resentment when she uttered one simple phrase…

"I have to go."

She said it so quietly I thought maybe I didn't hear her correctly.

"What?" I asked.

She froze, and I repeated myself again slowly, this time with more agitation than I intended.

"What did you say?"

In an instant she was gone, running down the aisle and calling over her shoulder, "I have to go!" She sprinted, calling to Seth and frantically moving about.

I ran after her, finally catching up to her as she was trying to get into her horse's stall. That's when I realized she was serious. She was leaving.

There was no way I was going to let her go so easily.

I couldn't help the amount of emotions that seared through me at once. Love for the beautiful woman in front of me. Pain because she was running away at the very moment she was supposed to be running toward me. Jealousy over the man she was running toward, even without so much as an explanation from him or to me. Sadness for the loss I knew was coming, even if I couldn't admit it yet. Betrayal and anger were the foremost in my mind, even though I tried to beat them back down into submission.

I grabbed onto her arm, letting the anger run through my fingers as I gripped onto her too tightly. I never meant to hurt her, but at the same time I wanted her to feel at least some of the pain I was enduring. She couldn't know how bad it was for me, or else she wouldn't be leaving…right?

"Bella," I nearly whimpered as I yanked her around to face me. "Bella, please - just wait-"

But she cut me off, her eyes wild with…with…fear?

"No," she said firmly. "I can't wait. Something's wrong with him, Jasper, something big. He asked me to come home - he never asks anything like that of anyone, let alone me - that means there's something _really wrong. _The phone cut out before he could tell me what was going on," she said as she tried to pull away.

I couldn't let her leave. "Please…let me try to call him, or someone else down there. You don't have to leave yet, slow down and let me figure this out," I desperately pleaded my case. "Why can't you just stay here with me and we'll get to the bottom of things together?"

She wriggled harder and finally freed herself from my grasp. I could see the red mark on her arm, and knew that it was going to bruise her delicate skin.

"No. I need to go. You don't understand…he's my best friend, family, and he said that he needed me to come home. He practically begged, and you know that he just doesn't do that. Hell, he virtually threw me at you when he left a few weeks ago, so this isn't a fucking social call!" she exclaimed as she moved back toward the stall door.

The anger built up again, but quickly dissipated when I slammed the stall door shut as she was trying to open it. I needed to stop her. I needed to come up with some kind of solution to keep her here with me.

"Bella, stop." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "You don't even know why he called. Why don't you let me send someone down there - Miguel maybe - to see what's going on."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Bella's face became a deep shade of red, but this time it wasn't because of her shyness. She was anything but timid when she spoke again.

"I need to go home," she hissed through her teeth. "Nothing else matters right now. _Nothing_."

My eyes went wide as she hastily moved into the stall. I couldn't move. I replayed her words in my head…

_Nothing else matters_…

_Is she fucking serious?_

I could feel her brush past me to load her horse onto the trailer at the same time I felt the rage seep into my eyes. I literally saw red.

I heard her talking with Seth some more, but couldn't make out the conversation because her words kept playing over and over in my brain, louder and louder, drowning out all rational thought.

I don't remember catching up to her again, and I don't remember planning to say the things I did. They simply flew from my mouth and I was powerless to stop them in my emotional state.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I asked, hearing the venom in my words.

"Yes," she replied defiantly.

"Really? Because I don't think you do," I yelled mere inches from her face. I didn't think I was capable of such ferocity, but there I was, screaming at her.

"Fuck, Bella! I just got you here and now you're running away, running for home! Why is it that you can't stay away from him, huh? What makes him more important?"

Tears were in her eyes as she screamed back at me. "Why are you being like this, Jasper? He's your friend too damn-it, and he's my fucking _family_! The only one I've got now! It doesn't matter why he needs me! And you didn't hear him on the phone…you just don't understand."

The redness consumed me.

"You're fucking right I don't understand," I shouted back. "I don't understand why you can run to him at the drop of a hat and why it took me all these years to get you to even consider kissing me. I don't understand how you can pick that old run down ranch over what I know is your fucking dream equine operation here, complete with anything you could ever ask for simply handed to you. And I really don't fucking understand how you're so eager to dismiss this," I yelled as I thrust my hand into her face, holding the shiny ring that was meant for her in the palm of my hand.

I held it out to her, trying to will her to take it from me and stay, to forgive me for hurting her. But if she didn't, I wanted the sight of it to hurt her, cut her deeply so that she never recovered. I was sick. Masochistic. I couldn't control these malicious impulses coursing through me.

"Jazz," she breathed. "I-I…" she stuttered as she closed her eyes.

I started to feel guilty…that is until she spoke again.

"Jasper, how did you expect me to live up to this kind of life? I would never be good enough for you to parade around through all this extravagance. I'm just a country hick, I don't have style or grace or even proper etiquette to live like you, to be the kind of woman that you need draped on your arm. I can't live up to all this! You set the bar so fucking high that I'd never be able to reach it!"

The red came flooding back. "Fuck, Bella! All I ever fucking wanted was you! I want to marry you for Christ's sake."

"Really Jasper? You want to propose to me? We've barely spent any time really getting to know each other! I thought I knew you before, but after being here even just these few days with you, I realized I don't know you at all and you certainly don't know me or else you would've grasped that none of those material things matter to me! They never have! Coddling me and throwing fancy things around is not what I want. I just…I just can't do this right now," she spit out as she moved away from me…again.

I was losing her. Or maybe I never had her.

Suddenly I couldn't feel anything. I went numb. My whole world collapsed on me in that moment. All I could think about was not being able to feel anything, physical or emotional.

I wanted to feel.

I needed to feel…something.

Before I realized what was happening, some kind of low growl boiled deep inside my chest. My fist was moving…so fast I didn't really even recognize that it was mine until it collided with the oak paneling of the stall next to me. There was a crunch and a gush. Tiny red droplets spewed from my knuckles. Then I finally felt it - the pain, letting me know that I was still alive, that I hadn't died like I thought I would when she rejected me. The blood and the ache let me know that my heart was still beating even though it was broken.

I heard a faint voice, but I couldn't tell if it was her, or if I had completely manufactured it in my own head. "I…I'm so sorry, Jasper. I h-hope you can forgive m-me…someday," it stammered and cried.

And then, it was gone.

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**A/N: So, there you have it, our favorite boys and their personal turmoil. Hope that gives you a little better insight into their thoughts and actions. **

**Please leave me love in the form of reviews!**


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